Define "chronic" masturbator.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
