I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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