Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
