you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
organizing the empties. That sober.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
