come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
