A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
