Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
