I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
