i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
