I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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