dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
