Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize