so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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