So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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