somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
