So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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