I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize