Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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