apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
