dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
