My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
