Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
