Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
