Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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