Nicole vs. Life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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