We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
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It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
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He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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