And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
