Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
