Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
