Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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