Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Life is so much better after having sex.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
