Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
