I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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