I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
