My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
