Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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