break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
