I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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