how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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