Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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