She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
