If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
