He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
