ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
