Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
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he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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