my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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