Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
