People in love make me want to vomit
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
