In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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