you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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