Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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