I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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