thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
