The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How does it feel to date your dad?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
