i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
