god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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