Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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