Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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