so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
