Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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