okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
