Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
