It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
