forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
