I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
