Pants 0. Shit 1.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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