Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
