dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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