I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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