currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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