I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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