I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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