I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
