return my video game
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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