"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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