My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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